Shortly after going to the Dasem in Peshkopia, Ervis invited me to go to another wedding. This wedding was for a young man in Vissy’s family who is also one of Agim’s nephews. The uncles on the groom’s side of the family have very specific obligations to the family during this time. Their participation seems to be the most important of any person outside of the groom himself. The oldest of the uncles, the patron of the family, is more obliged even than the groom’s father to see that proper form is met during the celebration. It is as if his reputation and authority within the family hinge on his performance of these duties; and that would make sense both sociologically and anthropologically.
Agim was able to relax somewhat for the celebration, he is the fourth brother in his family line. It seemed evident, even so, that his role was an important one; that his performance was important for the sake of the family.
Vissy and I connected with one of Agim’s four daughters and her husband for the bus ride out from Tirana to the local where the wedding was held. We took the road out past Kombinat, an area of Tirana which I had not known about. Near to the local there was a monument to the “Lavdi Pezes Heroike,” four citizens who were instrumental in the unification of Albanians in their resistance against the Nazi invasion during World War II.
A Dasem is an important family event and not many people outside of the family are invited. Family members who are able to attend are strongly obliged to do so. The celebration began on Sunday at 9PM and ended on Monday at 4AM. Over this 7 hour period of time, five courses of food were served. The dancing at this Dasem was done mostly by the women between the ages of 13 and 25. Women outside of this age bracket also participated, though sparingly. A few dances were reserved only for men. From what I was able to observe, dancing is a time for girls practice being young women and for new mothers to be girls again. Also on display were the rituals between bride and groom.
The burning of the groom’s handkerchief symbolizes the forgetting of his old self. Taking this idea a step further; the bride is freeing her husband from his old life, and proving that she does not care about his past. The groom shows the handkerchief to everyone so that they will know that he is starting fresh. Once it has been consumed by fire, the groom is given another handkerchief, a new life, by his wife. I find this to be a beautiful sentiment.
At 4AM, the crowd poured out into the parking lot of the local, each person finding their own way home. Ervis hadn’t “planned” a way to get back to Tirana, which turned out not to be a problem after all. Ervis, his mother, one of his cousins and I were in his home near the town of Nikel by 5AM. I slept until 7:3AM, at which time we left to go to the project in Fushekruje. By the time we arrived Agim was already there waiting to begin the day’s work. We all call him Chelik now, which means “steel.” I stayed on site until just after the five of us had lunch together.
I got a special request a few days ago from a relative of mine named Colter. He is my cousin Mark’s oldest; the only grandson of my father’s only sister. He asked if he could have a dog to name. Well my friend, here she is. I believe she is the mother of Spike and Emma. She has a sweetness, a meekness about her. She reminds me of a dog my family used to have named Bo. Think of a good name, a name you think she will like. You are a strong young man Colter, you make your grandparents Janet and David very proud.
albaniacalling 